Our submitted documents have worked their way through the proper state departments and our new Empathic Therapy organization is now registered in the State of New York.  

I want to remind everyone to send in their formal memberships to our new organization.  You are supporting a growing movement to look beyond psychiatry, beyond psychiatric labels and beyond psychiatric drugs and electroshock toward empathic, ethical human services alternatives for adults and children, elders and other vulnerable populations.  It is time to put the ‘human’ back into human services and we hope to inspire and inform generations of therapists, counselors, educators, psychiatrists and social workers to embrace empathy rather than simplistic and depersonalizing labels and drugs.  Go to our website, http://www.empathictherapy.org/ and become a formal member today at our special, limited time only, founding member price!
 

Forbes has detailed how deeply psychiatric meds are embedded into our popular culture, as well as our daily routine.  The most often taken psychiatric drug is Xanax, followed closely by Ambien (a sleeping pill) and Lexapro (an antidepressant).  This article examines many of the ways that psychiatric diagnosis and drugs have influenced and sometimes dominate our culture and our lives.  Read more here.

Reuters covers the data collected by IMS Health on 2009 prescription drug sales, documenting that the “antipsychotics remained the top-selling class of medicines in the United States with $14.6 billion in sales, about equal to 2008 revenue.” Reuters further detailed that “acid reflux drugs, such as AstraZeneca's Nexium, were the second-biggest therapeutic class by sales at $13.6 billion, with prescriptions up 5 percent. Coming in fourth in top-selling class of drugs were the antidepressants.  Read more here.
 

Exciting Upcoming Guests on Dr. Breggin's Talk Radio Show

Be sure to join Dr. Breggin every Monday at 5 pm EST for the Dr. Peter Breggin Hour internet radio show.   November 1st Dr. Breggin will have special guest Brian Kean, PhD from Southern Cross University in Australia who will address the vital issue of cyberbullying that so many children face today. Then on November 8th, Ed Pigott, PhD will be discussing the vital issue of antidepressant efficacy.  Tune in for these vital discussions.

You can go here to this link to connect with the internet radio network and to find the archives page to catch up with previously aired shows.


Parenting Alert: Empathy Is Best Taught
During Discipline
by Gary Unruh, MSW, LCSW

Situation 1: Mom points toward Allan’s room like a cop directing traffic: “Allan Michael Jr….” Uh-oh, Allen thinks, middle name; I’m in trouble now. “I told you to stop hitting your sister. To your room right now.” Mom leaves the room, shaking her head, thinking, I’ve tried everything.… Don’t feel alone, Mom. this is where the vast majority of parents are stuck and are missing the chance to teach empathy.

Situation 2: In another house, not far down the street, the same hitting behavior is happening. This mom, though, is using a new approach: Unleashing Parental Love. She’s trying to follow the rules, keep her feelings out of it, stay calm, and be interested in Becky’s feelings. She stops to think: Take a couple of deep breaths, this is crazy, don’t yell.… “Becky, let’s sit down.” Breathe slowly. “Okay, I can see you’re really mad. What happened?” Becky gives a play-by-play. Mom keeps trying to remember what to do next. Oh, yeah. Don’t lecture; support the feelings. “I’d be mad, too. You should be mad.” Becky thinks, What’s got into Mom? After more supportive comments, Mom says, “Let’s find another way to handle the anger.” A consequence is set if Becky hits her sister without first coming to Mom and sharing her feelings.

Empathy is the behavior of love even when someone has done something “bad.” Every one of us knows the joy and multiple benefits of empathy. We’ve all felt it and given it, but it’s elusive when someone does something “bad.” And that’s when it’s needed most, feels the best, and does the most good.
The Unleashed Parental Love approach provides a training manual for parents to learn how to help their child acquire comprehensive empathy—the acquired skill of putting yourself into another person’s shoes in both good times and conflictual times. (See Unruh’s new book for details: Unleashing the Power of Parental Love: 4 Steps to Raising Joyful, Respectful Kids.)

With this comprehensive approach to empathy, parents separate behavior from feelings. The feeling, representing the core of the child at any given moment, is validated and split away from the “bad” behavior. All of a sudden the child feels loved (lovable, understood, and accepted) during discipline and learns a life-changing lesson: “I am acceptable when I make a mistake, and I need to learn how to handle my feelings in an acceptable way.” Self-confidence and physical and mental health flourish. And since the experience is so fulfilling, these children want to do the same thing with others. That’s the amazing unlimited power of empathy that I’ve witnessed with over 2,500 kids as I’ve used this approach. 

Unleashing Parental Love—four main points parents learn to implement within three weeks:

1. Parents need to set aside their feelings and thoughts at the beginning of a conflict.

“When I was your age …” That’s how most parents start a problem-solving session with their children. It’s natural but technically nonempathetic: the parent is starting from his or her point of view, not the child’s experience. And it rarely works; the child usually becomes defensive and argumentative. The empathetic starting point is with the child, Step 2, not the parent’s feelings and thoughts.  

2. Focus and validate the child’s feelings first, and then firmly and respectfully discipline.

“Tell me what you’re feeling….” Now we’re starting with the child’s feelings, the real power source for ultimately solving the problem. A significant side bonus is the child learning all about empathy throughout the problem-solving process. Who doesn’t like to feel understood and accepted during a conflict? 
 
3. Set expectations for 98 percent success at the beginning of a problem-solving situation. 

“How many times do I have to tell you to clean up your room?” This sounds like a parent system failure that needs correcting, and here’s the fix: Acknowledge the failure and modify expectations until you achieve 98% success. Success is a huge motivator.  “You do half the room and I’ll do the other half; then we’ll have a bowl of ice cream.” From that successful experience, train your child to eventually clean the room without your help. 

This 98 percent success rule is only for initial problem-solving situations. When children experience initial success at solving a new problem, they are much better prepared to work through situations that require a lot more effort before success is achieved.
 
4. Implement eight empathy communication skills.  

Here is the list: avoid judging, avoid negative comments, be calm, talk no more than 25 percent of the time (25 percent talking, 75 percent listening), make more positive comments than negative daily (at least 75 percent positive and less than 25 percent corrective), make only one or two points at a time, keep the transaction brief, and acknowledge your mistakes. 
 
These eight empathy parenting skills will result in a child’s deep-seated belief, “I can count on my mom and dad to accept me and understand me even when I mess up.”  This belief is the basis for establishing self-confidence and resiliency. All of these empathy skills are integrated within the child and serve as a basis for the child to be empathetic to others. 
 
Experiencing and giving empathy is the lifeblood of enduring joy. Relationships, as well as mental and physical health, flourish. Every caring parent can learn to unleash love and give the gift of empathy to his or her child.  

 
Gary M Unruh, MSW, LCSW has counseled more than 2500 children and their families for over forty years. Read about his breakthrough parenting approach, Unleashing Parental Love, in his award winning 2010 book,  Unleashing the Power of Parental Love: 4 Steps to Raising Respectful and Self-Confident Kids.  Visit his website for more information (media section included): http://unleashingparentallove.com/


Remember to join our Center for the Study of Empathic Therapy, Education & Living and join in our growing efforts to encourage and inspire empathic, ethical human services and sciences in our world.


Very best regards,
Ginger Breggin, Executive Director
Center for the Study of Empathic Therapy, Education & Living
www.empathictherapy.org